Author: Justin Mckibben
Meth for Ministry
Have you ever wondered what it would be like if Walter White of the hit series Breaking Bad was a preacher instead of a teacher? OK, me neither, but this is pretty close anyway. Judith Hemken, 53, and Tiffany Burton, 26, were accused of cooking meth inside a southern Illinois church and arrested near Hillsboro. A member of the Waveland Hillsboro Presbyterian Church apparently ‘noticed activity’ in the building on a Tuesday night when it was supposed to be empty and reported it to the authorities.
According to Montgomery County Undersheriff Rick Robbins the church member reportedly spotted one woman outside the church and another in its basement, with what appeared to be parts of a meth lab. The women fled, but were pulled over by police. After which a clandestine meth lab in the church basement was discovered and officers had to extinguish a small fire that started due to the lithium and moisture from a sink drain.
Neither woman was affiliated with Waveland, Robbins said. Since the alleged lab was inside a church, the women could face enhanced sentences of up to 40 years in prison. May God have mercy on these two, because with this being such a strange case and the criminal activity in question being done on holy ground there is no telling if the judge will.
Mikey Mouse Ain’t Nothing to Mess with
Now this has yet to be revealed as a hoax, but a recent road rage video clip caught on camera in Russia over the weekend shows a disgruntled motorist stopping a vehicle with which he’s had some kind of problem. The video shows him walk toward the vehicle and be quickly over-run and assaulted, as people dressed as Mickey Mouse, Spongebob Squarepants, Scrat from “Ice Age” and some kind of spotted furry creature jump out and start beating him. Kicking and punching the man.
Some might say that he was being viciously attacked after exhibiting some road rage, others might say he was an adoring fan or cartoons who was greeted by his favorite giant stuffed animals with a fury of ‘fist cuddles’.
Hallucinated Hostage Situation
In a Florida home of Jackson County there apparently was a hostage situation that turned out to be more- or less- than it appeared. The Jackson County Sheriff’s Office responded last Sunday after several reports came in that there were three people screaming out of a home, claiming to have been taken hostage.
Authorities arrived at the residence and were told that the three supposed victims were 18-year-old Madison Douglas, 21-year-old Damian Hines, and 30-year-old Matthew McDaniel. The officers answering the distress call were informed that the 3 had been taken hostage for several hours. Bullet holes were found in the windows and walls, and the victims completely removed a large rear window from the house on the second floor and threw the bathroom sink at the attackers. Chunks of sheetrock, wood, firearm parts, and anything they could tear out of the residence was thrown outside including the toilet, which was ripped from the floor. In the end the damage done to the home was over $10,000.
Police soon after investigating discovered that the 3 distressed individuals had in fact hallucinated the entire situation while on meth. The young woman Madison Douglas even claimed she had been stabbed by a suspect, but authorities said she had only a light scratch on her abdomen which was, the rest of this ridiculous and disturbing hallucinated hostage situation, self-inflicted.
Park Ranger Placed on Leave: Drunk on the Job
A California State Parks ranger was allegedly found drunk with an open beer container between his legs and asleep in his patrol car. The officer has apparently been placed on leave and his peace officer status has been revoked pending a full scale investigation as reported by the California Highway Patrol.
A passerby spotted Tyson Young, the Park Ranger in question in Humboldt Redwoods State Park on August 15th and first tried to wake ranger Young. The observer, who wished to remain anonymous, told the Lost Coast Outpost that he shook Young trying to wake him, but to no avail. The anonymous observer then took a photo of the ranger, which California State Parks later confirmed to be officer Young after the Lost Coast Outlet had posted the photo on twitter.
Apparently nobody told this guy it’s tough to preserve wildlife and prevent forest fires while in a black-out. Thankfully he does… oh wait, yes he does carry a firearm on the job.
Cat-burglar Caught by Adorable Distractions
So if you are going to commit a crime, then get high and run for police, whatever you do DO NOT pet the cats. Cats obviously cannot be trusted! 21-year-old Daniel Pinedo Velapatino had just talked his way into a woman’s home in Boca Raton, Florida after leading police on a chase that had jumped to a start in Delray Beach. He knocked on her door last Tuesday to ask for a drink from the home-owner who assumed he was a landscaper.
Candace Noonan, who lived at the Boca Raton residence, obliged the suspect with a drink of water he requested unaware that Velapatino had allegedly consumed drugs the night before, stole thousands of dollars from a buddy, and then smashed into a bunch of cars as he ran from police. When she returned with the water, Velapatino was lying on her floor, playing with her fuzzy and adorable detectives, the cats.
“It was odd, very odd,” she said. “He was stroking my cat. It almost looked like he either was on drugs or he was mentally handicapped.”
When Noonan’s husband began questioning Velpatino, he fled out the back door. The Noonans led police to him, and he allegedly attempted to jump in a nearby canal but was apprehended by a police boat. I can’t decide whether those cats are just too adorable to ignore even in the midst of a high tensions police chase, or if they are clever and cunning undercover agents of the animal kingdom, coughing up fur balls… of JUSTICE!
Some of these stories seem crazier than usual, but then again to the addict or alcoholic these could seem like a Friday night or resemble stories we have been told about ourselves. Luckily, things do not have to get this bad, and even if they do there is always help out there. If you or someone you love is struggling with substance abuse or addiction, please call toll-free 1-800-951-6135