You Might be a Drug Addict If… Part Two

The author as an active drug addict

Maybe y’all didn’t believe me when I said I had some more solid gold in the reserves. Well, here it is, as promised, the second installment of You Might Be a Drug Addict If…

You take pride in being a “drug expert”

You are hospitalized when you pass out from mixing “things” and find out that you hit every.single.panel of the tox screen

You find yourself in the kitchen eating everything but Spam…then you eat the Spam

You hear skips on CDs and knocking on the door – but no one is there

You resort to going back to the same dealer who put copper wiring in your dope

You spend time trying to convince yourself and everyone you don’t have a drug problem

Your drug stories begin with “When I was 11 years old…”

When you… wait… what were we saying?

You think punching a bouncer in the face is sound logic

You’ve seen Tommy or The Wall multiple times on LSD

You don’t realize til halfway through a movie that you’ve already seen it…3 times, because each time you saw it, you were high

You can relate to this:

You know what Krokodil is and…

You actually consider using Krokodil

You know of at least three other names for needles (rigs, points, darts)

You know every source of cotton there is (Q-tips, tampons)

You’ve stolen used syringes from a friend’s house whose sick dog needs medicine by injection

You tie off with seatbelts when fixing up and driving

You know the magic words to swindle narcotic meds from physicians

You keep eating even though you are already sick to your stomach

You get a snack at KFC to eat on the way home then you make dinner – and eat that, too. And dessert

You know the difference between a V, an M, and an A

You have both a bottle of lemon juice and a bottle of white vinegar but don’t have any culinary skills (because you shoot crack)

You know of several nifty uses for razor blades, including but not limited to: splitting pills in half, splitting crack rocks, crushing pills with the broad side, scraping dope out of the bag, and cutting cans when you have no spoon

You know to use a matchbook flint strip to sharpen used needles (that reminds me…)

You re-use needles

You’re from NJ (don’t get all butt-hurt, here in South Florida, everyone is from Jersey – apparently the dope is really good there)

You get paid on Friday and your money is gone by Monday and you don’t have any bills

You do coke by yourself

You ever thought that rehab may be a good idea

You date a stripper

Your source of “income” is robbing people’s houses

Your typical day looks like this: shooting up and watching Degrassi all day

You have fallen asleep while standing and trying to pee

You know what “put that shit up means”

You “find” an unlocked car in the parking lot at the bar to pass out in only to awake and realize that you put yourself in a cop car – and he thanks you for being the easiest arrest of his entire career (and later find out that the officers watched you as you did it and took bets on how long til you ended up in their cruiser)

You’ve gotten busted with drugs because someone called the cops, oh and it was you. But, as you explained to 911 dispatch, there were people on the roof with baseball bats out to get you

If you or a loved one is a drug addict, please call toll free 1-800-951-6135