Our parents love us to death and would do anything for us. Moms are especially connected to us for obvious reasons and when we break her heart, as we often do in addiction, she’s left with a million questions and no answers. Our moms want to see us happy, healthy and living a productive life. In addiction we are not happy, healthy or being productive. Our lives are in shambles and so are the lives of our families. Addiction is a family disease so everyone is affected by our actions. We are not the only ones feeling hurt, lost and neglected. First start a 7 Questions Mothers of Addicts Ask (Part 1 of 3) then come back here.
7 Questions Mothers of Addicts Ask (Part 2 of 3)
3. Is there hope? Can a drug addict change?
Recovery for addiction is very much possible. Treatment and recovery from addiction require hard work, dedication, and willingness to change. But if a person really wants it, it is absolutely possible for a drug addict to change.
Don’t be discouraged if your child is completely willing or committed when they first go to treatment. Many people come into treatment to avoid legal consequences or to make their families happy and end up having a change of heart once they are there. Some people get caught in a vicious cycle of relapse, treatment, and short periods of sobriety before they finally “get it.” But recovery is possible. Even the most hopeless cases can recover if they have the willingness to do so.
4. When will they be better?
This is a very common question that mothers of addicts ask. Having a son or daughter that is an addict can be overwhelming. Your life becomes consumed with worry. You fear every night that your phone will ring and someone will tell you that something terrible has happened to your child. You feel hopeless and sad. Many mothers want to know “When will my child be better? When can I stop worrying?”
There is no easy answer to this question, because there is no “cure” for addiction. It is a chronic, lifelong disease. Recovery is a lifelong process. The good news is that the longer your child stays away from drugs and alcohol, the less likely it will be that they will go back to their addiction. Also, once an addict embraces sobriety and changes themselves and the way they behave, it becomes almost second nature for your child to stay away from drugs and alcohol.
Like diabetes, addiction will never be completely cured, but it can be managed, and your child can live a normal life.
Be wary of any treatment center or addiction professional that offers a cure for your child’s addiction. Science may one day come up with one, but we are not there yet. Unfortunately, there are people out there that try to prey on desperate parents who just want their child to be better.
5. What did I do wrong?
Sometimes an addict will try to blame their parents or their upbringing for their addiction. This is called justification. Many addicts play the “victim” role, blaming outside people or situations for their addiction. It justifies their need to use and takes the blame off of them. Until he or she is ready to admit he is an addict and take responsibility for his or her behavior, they will try to blame you or anything else for their addiction.
You did not cause your child’s addiction. For every addict I hear that had a terrible childhood, I meet five with the most loving and supportive parents in the world. Addiction affects people from all types of backgrounds. There is nothing that you did or did not do to cause your child’s addiction. It is not your fault.
In addition, contrary to popular belief, there is no single gene, or set of genes, that determines whether or not a person will become an addict. And even if a person’s parents are addicts, it doesn’t mean they will be too.
If your loved one is in need of addiction treatment, please give us a call at 800-951-6135.