We all pretty much know what a rehab romance is but, there’s another type of relationship that those of in recovery tend to fall prey to: the recovery romance. This relationship can take place once we have a good deal of sobriety – not just in early recovery. And, it’s something to be aware of because, when we find things to distract us from our program of recovery, we are treading in dangerous waters. Here are 7 signs you have a recovery romance.
When you first met, your ice breaker was, “hi, my name is_______, I’m from (insert town/state) and my DOC was (insert drug).
Or you first met at a meeting. You two hit it off initially because your idea of small talk was to swap war stories.
Your idea of Date Night is to go to meetings together.
It’s definitely good to get your meeting on but, going to meetings with your honey is just, well, too much. Maybe hitting up one meeting together once in a while is OK. But you should keep recovery and romance separate.
When you need advice about something, your go-to is your boo (instead of your sponsor).
You used to consult your sponsor with the everyday things that you needed advice on but, no more! Now, you check in with your sweetie for everything. Just remember, your sponsor will most likely be unbiased with their advice whereas your lover, who is personally involved, will most likely tell you something that will be self-serving, whether they mean to or not.
You hide your relationship from your sponsor.
You know (read: think) your relationship is perfect but you also know that your sponsor would have something to say about it so, instead of having to hear it, you’d rather keep it under wraps. This is typical “addict behavior” – being dishonest and hiding stuff will only hurt you, your relationship with your sponsor, and ultimately your sobriety.
You take over the sponsor role for one another.
You find yourself saying things like, have you prayed about it? And how many meetings did you go to this week? It’s good to communicate with your partner but, when there’s a blurring of lines, you have to be able to set appropriate boundaries between relationship and program.
You’re convinced that, if you two were to break up, you would definitely relapse.
You find yourself telling your friends that your relationship is so strong that, if it ended, you wouldn’t be able to stay sober and so, to deal with it, you’d go back to using. This isn’t what true romance looks like, folks.
You spend all of your time taking them to-and-from work.
You might have one car between the two of you and your time is spent giving them rides from A to B to C to A again. And if it’s not rides, it’s everything else. You find that you put your boyfriend/girlfriend and their happiness before yours. This is called codependency and is very common among alcoholics and addicts – even those with a good deal of clean time. If you or someone you love is struggling with substance abuse or addiction, please call toll-free 1-800-951-6135.