Today’s blog was inspired by this latest bit of “recovery”-related news:
A man stopped by police after someone reported seeing something suspicious “told police that he was staying at the Boca House, a sober living halfway house for men, and they did not allow visitors to stay overnight. Police say the man put his girlfriend in a large hockey equipment bag so he could take her into his apartment. The girlfriend told police that she voluntarily got into the bag.”
I say this is “recovery”-related because, although it has to do with a halfway house, it’s not a sign of strong recovery. Nevertheless, we all have them – our sexcapades – the ridiculous things we did in the name of getting booty in early recovery. Let’s face it, once the drugs were out of our system, our libidos became a force to be reckoned with. And as addicts, we are by nature, pleasure-seeking beings. So, here it is, a list of some of the crazy things and risks we took for some of that sweet, sweet lovin’.
Consummating a rehab romance in a department store fitting room
Bumping uglies in the backseat of your car in some undoubtedly sketchy darkened parking lot
Hooking up in the back of the druggie buggie on the way to groups, and on the way home
Finding an empty group room in which to “get it on” while everyone else is still at breakfast
Here in south Florida, a common “sextination” is the beach after dark – it’s awkward when the local teens show up because that’s just something they do on Friday nights, so I’ve heard
The family bathroom at Walmart: a single bathroom that has a deadbolt on the door – perfect; I know a couple of people who resorted to this one; they made sure to bring a large, cushy blanket to spread out on the floor – yes, the floor of a public bathroom
Having sex while your roommate is in the room and, *hopefully* sleeping soundly
Scaling a wall to the second floor where the female apartments are, this was called “spiderman-ing up” where I was living
Forging an overnight pass and getting a motel room – this time, for booty-slappin, not crack-smoking…wow, things have changed
Hooking up with one (or more) of the techs and therefore ensuring a full-proof hook-up plan – until you both get found out, that is
Sneaking into your slam piece’s room and then hiding in the closet, under the bed, or out on the back porch till after their bed-check
Being the reason the maintenance crew was ordered to remove the locks from the laundry room door – it doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with the spin cycle (but it might)
Having the cajones to sneak someone in from across the country and suddenly becoming a magician by making that person and their huge suitcase disappear during a surprise spot-check
It’s fun to get a kick out of these ridiculous ways that people will try to get around the rules to get it on, but what kind of dignity or respect do you have for yourself if this is what you resort to? What does it say about your chances of staying sober if you can’t even follow the rules for a couple of months?
These rules exist for a very good reason – to keep us out of relationships in our early recovery because we need to focus on ourselves and on regaining self-worth. If we rush into a relationship, whether purely physical or something more, we are cutting our chances at being successful at recovering from a very serious and life-threatening disease. Many of us also have issues with codependency and so it is unhealthy to jump into a relationship and seek out validation from another person. And not to mention how many people relapse when these relationships don’t work out.
A lot of us also have what is called ‘cross addictions’ to sex and drugs, and sometimes that doesn’t even become clear until after the drugs are out of our system and we start replacing that drug euphoria with the high of having-especially-risky sex. And this leads to yet another serious consideration: the spread of disease. If you made it through active addiction without having contracted a sexually transmitted disease, you’re not necessarily out of the clear. Just because you are clean and your new-found love is, too, doesn’t mean he or she is disease-free.
If you or a loved one is struggling with substance abuse, drug addiction, or sex addiction please call toll-free 1-800-951-6135