Signs of Codependency
Codependency basically means that you make your relationship more important than yourself. One or both of the people are so invested in the relationship that they ignore their own needs, wants, and desires. These are not healthy relationships. In a healthy, interdependent relationship, each person is responsible to the relationship and to themselves.
Signs of Codependency: How do you become codependent?
No one knows exactly why anyone becomes codependent; people with a history of codependent issues sometimes have a history of abandonment or neglect. People suffering from addiction and alcoholism, either active or recovered; also tend to have a higher incidence of codependence. Basically, we use a relationship in the same way we use drugs and alcohol, to fill a void and to make us feel complete. When the drugs and alcohol are removed from the equation, when we are in recovery or abstinent, sometimes codependent issues get even greater because we experience an even bigger void. For most of us, drugs and alcohol were our solution, not our problem. When you take away our solution, we often seek other things to fill the emptiness that was once filled with drugs or alcohol such as codependent relationships, money, possessions, etc. Until we discover a permanent, lasting solution, we are usually unable to sustain a healthy, fulfilling relationship.
Codependency is often common in the loved ones of an alcoholic or addict. It is one of the reasons that so many of our family members enable us to continue using and drinking, coming to our “rescue” whenever we found ourselves facing consequences for our addiction.
Signs of Codependency
1. You feel responsible for your partner or loved one’s problems: This can manifest itself in a number of ways: trying to fix someone else’s legal, financial, work, school, or relationship problems, making excuses for their behavior or action, or feeling bad when your “help” doesn’t improve things.
2. Your life choices or goals are defined by your partner’s or loved one’s goals and life choices: If you ask yourself what you want in life and in the future, and your immediate thought is what your partner or loved one wants, this is a major red flag and may be a sign of codependency. In a codependent relationship, one person often makes all the decisions.
3. You have low self-esteem: Low self-esteem is a hallmark sign of codependency. When you are in a codependent relationship, your self-worth is often based on what your partner thinks of you or how well the relationship is going. When the relationship becomes bumpy or your partner says something insulting, you often feel very bad about yourself.
4. You have an intense fear of abandonment or rejection: When you are in a codependent relationship, you often have an intense fear that the other person will leave you, and you will often try to control the relationship or change yourself to try to prevent that. You will often feel intense jealousy of the other people in your partner’s life and try to disrupt or prevent those relationships.
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