By Rhea Rosier and Cheryl Steinberg
Whether you have only been to rehab once or you have been through the rehab process several times, you have heard people say a lot of the same things and over and over. Some of it is sad and depressing and some of it is just plain ridiculous. Here is a list of stuff people in rehab say.
Can I get my meds now? You know this person. They are the person either in front of you or behind you in the med line complaining about how they need their meds right this instant. As if waiting five more minutes makes a difference. Don’t be this person. This person is obnoxious.
It was a false positive, I swear. Yeah, and everything leading up to this point right here and now has given everyone a reason to trust you right? Rarely do drug tests show up as false positives. Plus they get sent off to the lab. So there is no need to swear anything. Let the test speak for itself.
Make my bed?! Oh, yeah that responsible thing that normal people do when they get up in the morning. There is reason you have to make your bed in the morning at rehab and part of it has to do with becoming a, ya know, a responsible adult?
I wonder if I can get high if I snort my Seroquel Really? Seroquel? C’mon now. You came in here ripping and roaring about how you put a whole gram of heroin in your arm and now you are wondering if you can snort your Seroquel? You are better than that. You are better than using drugs is what I mean. Give yourself a shot at recovery. If you are wondering if you can snort the Seroquel, hand it over to a tech. It isn’t worth it, trust me.
Question: What’s your DOC (drug of choice)?
Answer: Yes – or – I was a garbage disposal This Q&A is somewhat acceptable because while you are in rehab and meeting your fellow community it is a great conversation starter. Just don’t start trying to one up each other with war stories. It leads to dark and creepy places that just don’t make you feel good. Ask the DOC and then talk about solution.
I won’t do drugs, I’ll just smoke weed. Ah yes, marijuana maintenance. It is said that the one obsession of every addict and alcoholic is the thought they will somehow be able to manage their drug use and drinking. And that is what the “I will just smoke weed” line is. Someone who says this and actually believes it will most likely 9 times out of 10 be back in rehab soon enough. It is also their last ditch effort to somehow get high and not end up back in detox because for some reason smoking weed is different than getting high. Don’t surround yourself with these people and don’t argue with them about it. They may see their faulty ways they may not. Either way it isn’t up to you to show them. Leave that to the rehab.
If I don’t get my cellphone back, I’m gonna go out and use. No, you are going to go out and use anyway. The cell phone is just an excuse. No one has to go get high because of, x, y, and z excuse. We all know this person and now you know the truth. Nothing causes anyone to go out and use. It is just a good cover for why other than saying I want to get high right now. And in case anyone was wondering, that is perfectly ok to say because we are addicts and alcoholics in rehab, and that is normal right now.
Hey, can I bum a cigarette? Love this line. I always gave cigarettes to people who bummed them. I didn’t mind. But remember if you do, and I hate to say it, it is like feeding a stray cat. Soon enough everyone will show up to bum smokes, and the same people will ask time and time again. If it bothers you then say no, if it doesn’t then just keep giving them out! Don’t think you are making real friends though if people only talk to you because you give out cigs or you’re giving out cigs to make friends. We’re trying to move past that behavior in rehab.
When did I get fat? You didn’t get fat. You got to a healthy weight because you were way too skinny when you showed up to rehab. This one you will hear a lot from the ladies. And it is normal to a certain extent. But fat isn’t the right word. It is more like, “Oh, when did I become so not malnourished anymore?”
I’m not THAT bad! Plain and simple? Yes you are if you ended up in rehab. Nope, don’t even try to explain how you aren’t. You are in rehab, with the rest of us who are THAT bad, for a reason. A reason we all know, but you can’t accept. It is quite common for someone like this to tell pretty long and lengthy war stories and then to go into later about how they aren’t that bad or they aren’t an addict. Recovering is a process. Some are sicker than others. This person will figure it all out eventually.
I’m not going to quit drinking, I never had a problem with alcohol: Few people in rehab can wrap their mind around giving up everything, forever. They think heroin was their problem, or cocaine, or pills, and once they deal with that, they’ll be ok to go back to drinking. They may change their mind once they learn more about addiction, or they may not. Unfortunately, most people who go back to drinking end up either developing an addiction to alcohol, or wind up using their drug of choice again.
Nobody is going to tell ME what to do! You are right. No one can tell you what to do but there is a reason they will try to. And unlike your actions which have led up to this point in rehab, they are trying to tell you what to do and what actions to take so you can get better. Listening is simple. Listening is even simpler when you realize you have no clue how to do anything but get high, trust me I know.
And that is it! If you know any other great lines that people say in rehab let us know! We hope you enjoyed the fun, and games, and also the truth behind it all. Get sober and stay sober friends! Enjoy!
If you or someone you love is in need of drug or alcohol rehab, please give us a call at 800-951-6135.