If you constantly compromise your values to be with someone, it just might be that you are experiencing love addiction or relationship addiction. A lot of times, people – especially those with low self-esteem – enter codependent relationships; relationships that involve a drug addicted person are much more likely to have some level of codependency. And this goes for any type of relationship: intimate partner, friend, family, coworker. Here are 12 signs that you’re addicted to your addicted loved one.
#1. You enable them
There are many different ways in which you could be enabling your addicted loved one. Maybe you make excuses for their drug using behaviors or cover for them with their place of employment when they’re either too sick to make it to work or they’ve ditched in order to go score. Many times, people in relationships with drug addicts end up becoming their number one enabler. But, there are ways in which you can support them without enabling them. The first step is setting healthy boundaries. The tricky part is maintaining those boundaries. Read more about it here.
#2. You can’t let go
You are constantly on-again-off-again with your drug addicted loved one. And, no matter how badly they “mess up” or hurt you (either physically or emotionally – see #4), you always take them back because they seem so sincere about changing their ways.
#3. You turn a blind eye
In other words, your denial runs just as deeply as theirs. You may have even seen them in the act of using drugs but you tell yourself it didn’t happen and you look the other way.
#4. You put up with their abuse
Someone in the grips of drug addiction in likely to become more and more volatile. It might be that they’ve become abusive towards you, whether it’s verbal, physical, emotional, or a combination of all three – and you just put up with it rather than leave.
#5. You make excuses
Perhaps others have noticed your addicted loved one’s erratic behavior and have begun to suspect that something is wrong. If you go around making excuses for them – “oh, they just lost a relative so they’re just acting out over grief” or maybe something like “s/he only drinks on the weekends,” then you are showing yet another sign that you’re addicted to your addicted loved one.
#6. You watch them use/allow them to use in your home
If you hang out with them while they’re getting high, you’re – to them – showing that you condone their behavior. Putting up with their drug use, right under your nose is yet another way that you are compromising yourself in order to hang on to this unhealthy relationship.
#7. You keep them from getting help, even when they express a desire to do so
A blatant sign that you’re addicted to your addicted loved one is that you talk them out of getting help or you create obstacles to them getting the help they need. It might be that you can’t bear the thought of them being away from you for 30 days or maybe, on some level, you like that they’re sick and that you’re the one they turn to in order to take care of them. This is a highly toxic situation.
#8. You bail them out, literally and figuratively
If you are constantly bailing out your loved one either from jail or sticky situations with others, then you are again enabling them and this is yet another way in which you are willing to go to any ends in order to cling to your relationship, no matter how dysfunctional it is.
#9. You need emotional intensity in order to feel alive
Maybe it’s that you somehow enjoy the fighting and the constant breaking up and getting back together. Whatever it is, you find that you thrive on this kind of drama.
#10. You feel “high” when the two of you get back together after a fight
Feeling a rush from the argument or the make up after it is yet another sign that you are a relationship or love addict or at least, that you are addicted to the relationship you have with a drug addict.
#11. You have considered using with your addicted loved one
Or you have actually used with them because you thought that it would somehow make you closer and make your bond with them tighter. This is a major red flag that you are treading in dangerous waters with this relationship.
#12. You’ve given them money or gotten drugs for them
If you give them money to get drugs – even if they say it’s for something else but, you know it’s to score – or you have actually gone out and gotten drugs for your addicted loved one (maybe they were too dope sick to do it themselves) then you are clearly enabling this person and more than likely it’s because you’re addicted to the addict in your life.
If you suspect that you have a loved one who is struggling with substance abuse or addiction or you know for a fact that someone you love is abusing drugs, it can be a difficult situation to handle by yourself. Call us toll-free at 1-800-951-6135 and speak with one of our Addiction Specialists. We are available 24/7 and can answer your questions about addiction, how to talk to someone who struggles, as well as about resources for getting help.