When it comes to being a sponsor and having sponsees, there are definitely certain things you shouldn’t say to people about your sponsees. I’ve made a list of 8 things you should never say about your sponsees.
8 Things You Should Never Say About Your Sponsees…
1. OMG you’ll never guess what my sponsee told me during their 5th step!
2. My sponsee is so needy
3. My sponsee is so sick
4. My sponsee calls me ALL THE TIME, it’s so annoying
5. I totally don’t think my sponsee is going to stay sober
6. If my sponsee relapses, I’m done with them
7. My sponsee is so hopeless and pretty much a waste of my time
8. My sponsee is so ugly and/or fat
Of course these don’t apply to all situations. There are situations when you can say these things to people – and by people I mean your sponsor and supports if you’re seeking help. When it comes to saying these things, you really shouldn’t be just generally talking about your sponsees to other people. The program is about being anonymous and confidential and if you’re spreading your sponsees business, then what is the point?
If you don’t think your sponsee is going to stay sober, talk to your sponsor and get advice. If you think that you can’t sponsor someone anymore if they keep relapsing, talk to your sponsor and see what you should do. Any of the things listed above can be discussed with your sponsor because that’s a special relationship that is built on confidence. You want your sponsee to trust you just like you trust your sponsor.
I understand gossip is something that is hard for a lot of people in recovery but it’s something that needs to stop. It hurts people’s feelings when you are talking about them to others and it is unkind. Part of being spiritual and being a good person is doing God’s (your higher power) will and trying to always do the next right thing – and for me this is vital to stay sober. Obviously, it’s impossible to never talk about others but of all people, you should keep your sponsees information to yourself.
Being a sponsor is about being someone that a sponsee can turn to and look to for advice and help. You are simply there to take this person through the 12-steps of the program the same way you were taken through and share your experience, strength and hope with them. If you don’t think you can help someone or that it is too much for you, just remember that this isn’t about you and you aren’t in control. Your higher power is ultimately in control and you have no power to keep someone sober or to get them high or drunk. Just be a strong support for your sponsees and give back what was so freely given to you. Remember that you were once in their position and a newcomer searching for help. If you or a loved one are struggling with substance abuse or addiction, please call toll free 1-800-951-6135.