Sometimes in recovery, it can be confusing to determine a healthy relationship from an unhealthy relationship. Each relationship is different and in my opinion, you know if your relationship is healthy or not in your gut. But in case you are having a little trouble being able to tell, I made a list of healthy relationships vs. unhealthy relationships.
Healthy Relationships vs. Unhealthy Relationships:
Healthy Relationship: You each have your own meetings, friends and support groups.
Unhealthy Relationship: You only go to meetings with each other and sit with each other and barely talk to anyone else there.
Healthy Relationship: When you’re going through tough times you still contact your sponsor for support and advice.
Unhealthy Relationship: Your boyfriend/girlfriend is pretty much your only outlet for when you’re having tough times.
Healthy Relationship: You still make time to see you friends and supports during the week.
Unhealthy Relationship: When you aren’t working, you spend all of your free time with your boyfriend/girlfriend.
Healthy Relationship: You know that even if your boyfriend/girlfriend broke up with you, you’d still be okay on your own.
Unhealthy Relationship: If your boyfriend/girlfriend broke up with you, you would definitely get high and your life would be over.
Healthy Relationship: Regardless of how much you love your significant other, you know that loving yourself is most important.
Unhealthy Relationship: You love your sweetie more than you love yourself; he/she is the most important thing in this world to you.
Healthy Relationship: You don’t feel the need to always be with your boyfriend/girlfriend.
Unhealthy Relationship: If you two are apart for a couple hours you feel like your heart is breaking.
I know it can be hard once you realize you are in an unhealthy relationship, but if you stay in it you are just hurting yourself more. If you are in a relationship that seems unhealthy, reevaluate your choices in this situation. I totally understand it can be hard to just break up with someone, I get that.
Once you’ve ended an unhealthy relationship, when you find a healthy one you will be amazed at how much better it is and how different. But no relationship will work if you don’t love yourself first! It is most important that you love yourself and continue to work on you and put your recovery first. If you put a relationship before your recovery, you are going to lose that relationship and possibly your recovery, too.
Like I said earlier, I believe that we all have that ‘gut feeling’ on whether or not our relationship is a good one or not (at least, I do). Make sure no matter what you do you always stay connected to your supports, sponsor and the fellowship. When I went through a break-up, I can’t even begin to explain how grateful I am to have had the fellowship and all of my supports there for me. If you or a loved one are struggling with substance abuse or addiction, please call toll free 1-800-951-6135.